Views From Within

Internet Political Prophecies And Subversive Material For Cool People

Gonzales – Smug SOB

Posted by jeremiasx on January 23, 2007

I’m finally convinced that the Bush administration has truly forgotten the premise that Constitutional law and traditions still mean something to the vast majority of Americans…it seems that their recent appointee to the highest position in the executive judiciary arm, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, is a smug sonofabitch who thinks he can dance on the graves of the men and women who fought and died to protect our basic freedoms. So…I looked into his background. Here are some of his accomplishments, such as I’ve found in my amateur research (conducted by myself in a fifteen minute time frame…gotta love the Internet)

So, without further adieu, here is my Top Ten Alberto Gonzales accomplishments list:

1. He served two years of a four year stint in the US Air Force.

2. He helped Bush avoid jury duty in Texas in a drunk driving case…some have speculated that was to prevent him from disclosing his (Bush’s) personal bias, having been arrested for drunk driving himself some time previously.

3. He worked as a legal counsel for Enron. (nuff said)

4. Under his judicial review, Texas was able to make an express lane for death row inmates into the chair. (gas chamber, firing squad, whatever they use down there)

5. As White House counsel, Gonzales helped The President avoid testifying to the American Public during the 9/11 commission, claiming seperation of powers and arguing that providing Dr. Condoleeza Rice’s testimony would “fulfill the statutory mandate.” In other words…the bare minimum. It’s good that he was helpful in securing the bare minimum in one of the most historic, significant, and loaded investigations in history.

6. He wrote that the Geneva conventions were outmoded and didn’t apply to prisoners in Guantanmo Bay/Camp X-Ray.

7. He argued for the right of the government to torture those same people.

8. He argues that the Judicial Branch is incompetent to review matters if they affect “National Security.”

9. He argues that the writ of Habeas Corpus is not expressly implied in the Constitution, and that it may not apply to all U.S. Citizens.

10. Everytime he speaks, I feel myself throw up a little, in my mouth. Thank you Mr. Gonzales, for all your patriotism, for all that you’ve done, and for all we’re sure that you aim to do to (for) us here in America.


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